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Thursday, April 25, 2013 12:57 AM
I don't know what I'm thinking. ♥3 yrs 10 months and counting.
I've to learn how to accept some facts that can't be avoided. She needs him?
I starting to feel insecure but what can I do? Everytime I tried to list out my unhappiness, she'll start to grunt about I don't trust her and stuff.
So from now, I'll just keep everything either here or to myself.
I've no idea what she does with him outside always, and I dun really wish to know too. It just breaks my heart even if I know that they are just outside together alone.
I've never felt so so so so so insecure before and I don't know why I'm like that. Maybe due to some previous factors that are affecting my feelings?
I love her a lot, and I admit, I've been too nice to her. I don't have any stand and opinion, and every opinion I made, to me, it just seems like I gonna hurt her.
I just wish that, one fine day, you'll understand my feelings and start to slowly disappear from him.
You said you don't have feelings for him. You said you don't love him. But from my POV, it doesn't seems that way sometimes. It just feel like, you always prioritize him more than me at times. IDK why too... Maybe is just me, my dumb feelings. TBH, I don't really find love anymore... I just feel that you're staying for the sake of staying and cause it's a 4 years long r/s and you don't wish to let it go.
How long can I hold? Sigh...
Fuck love. It just hurts me since I was 13. If this is gone, I might go around shattering people's heart, and let it be. I hate myself too... for letting you too much, and getting used to it..
I just need some security, that's all.. I suppose it's hard to gain... Once you lose it, wanting it back is twice as hard as you got it the first time.
Ruth, I do love you a lot, but I have my limit too. I'm not stopping you, but at least... please... I'm your bf... not him right? Sigh... maybe you're like day since day 1.....
TBH, i only go for a training and will try to be back asap, yet just few hours, you still wanna meet him and even go for a movie.
I'm still thinking whether what you said about I go army and you'll wait for me stuff, will it really happen... Sigh...
Monday, April 15, 2013 1:46 AM
Trust. ♥15/4/2013, 1:35am. I'm awake, and I've to wake up by 9 tmr to rush to tanah merah. It's not that I wanna check on her. I just want to see it with my own eyes whether things are positive or negative. I've been holding it to heart for years and I think it finally blasted to me. After this stupid girl, whom i nearly wanna flirt with actually give me a thought that no one may be serious in an r/s when money is involve. I wanted to flirt to clear my time, but at least it waked me up a bit. A long term relationship, most prolly because of my coco, this whole thing dragged for 3 years 10months. You went phuket with him, same room yet you state that you're on bed he's on floor. For me, I'll never let that to happen even she isn't my gf. I'll just take the opportunities to take advantage. Spending a bomb on you, even you're with me. Sure nothing is wrong between you both? Only you will know. You're drunk on 1/1/2013. You said Jason was a man who won't let u both anythin happen. If that's the case why won't he make a call to me and say you're drunk and ask me wait for you? Why must you go his home? Friends don't do that yea? He doesn't fucking treat u as a friend. I don't believe you drunk nothing is between you both. He's a fucking horny bastard, who is more horny than me, and you said something that makes a lot of sense, cos you compared between us thus losing all mood. Why do you compare? Cause you still got do with him? And I can feel it cos i've not been doing with u for almost a month yet you aren't tight. I know it myself, just that i subconsciously hid it. Girl, do you really love me? Or you just don't know how to open up to break with me thus dragged it? If you love me, I ask you to stop all those fucking contacts with him, will you do it for my sake? I doubt so. In club, u can do such thing with renew, what makes me think u won't do anything with him? Am I wrong to say that? Everything just piece up like a puzzle today. I hope tomorrow afternoon, I won't see anything that will breaks my heart till at teo heng. I love you therefore I'll be the one standing out to you today and make our things clear. I want a nice and positive relationship. And I'll be honest with you with everything too. I love you more than you can ever think. 15/4/2013 1:45am, Writing off. |
Yours truly,  21(: 6th May 1991(: A life that have past thru thicks and thins. 788444753459 ♥ With Loves, My Story, Materialistic, Click for my wishlist!
Reminisce, |
| I Love You. | |